One issue with the question of “how much sex is enough sex” is that it places the focus on the wrong thing, according to Zimmerman.
“I mean, what counts as sex anyway? If you’re focused on ‘the act’ (whatever that is for you) and the frequency of such, then you’re focused on the wrong thing,” she says. “It’s not just about ‘getting it done’ or checking the box. The point of sex, from my point of view, is to share pleasure with your partner and to feel connected in the process, no matter what you do with your body parts and what the end result is.”
It’s less about whether you and your partner are engaging in a certain act a certain number of times. It’s about how connected the two of you feel and how much pleasure you’re getting to enjoy in your relationship.
So with that in mind, Zimmerman recommends asking yourself a more important question: Am I (and is my partner) having enough pleasure and connection?
“Consider whether you’d like more pleasure and whether you feel enough connection in your relationship. And ask your partner about whether they’d like more of those things,” she explains. “If so, prioritize that.”
That might mean having more sex more often, or any other number of ways to creatively bridge the gap. The point, as it always is when it comes to sex: just focus on doing what actually makes you and your partner feel good.