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Dear Mr. Dad: As the parent of a child who identifies as trans, I appreciate your evenhanded approach to talking about sexual identity, gender identity, and sexual orientation. My child, who\u2019s 10 and hasn\u2019t stated puberty yet, socially transitioned a year or so ago and everyone in the family has gotten used to the idea. But now they (my child) want to do a gender affirming medical transition, starting with hormones. I\u2019m trying to be supportive, but I\u2019ve heard a lot of stories about people who\u2019ve detransitioned and I\u2019m frightened that my child won\u2019t be happy with the results of their transition and won\u2019t be able to recover from the effects of the hormones and possible surgery. What do I need to understand?<\/em><\/p>\n A:<\/strong>\u00a0Thanks so much for your question. You\u2019re diving into a very complicated and politically charged topic, so let\u2019s start with some definitions, beginning with the different types of transition. \u201cSocial transition\u201d happens when a person takes on the name, pronouns, and outward appearance (haircuts, clothing, and sometimes behavior) that match their gender identity. \u201cMedical transition\u201d generally happens after social transition and may involve hormone therapy (to create masculine or feminine characteristics) and\/or surgery (to reconstruct their body so their sex characteristics align with their gender identity). \u201cLegal transition\u201d involves legal name changes and, depending on what state you\u2019re in, changing sex on official documents like birth certificates, driver\u2019s licenses, and passports.<\/p>\n As to your worry about detransitioning\u2014undoing social, medical, and\/or legal transitions and returning to the sex, as the trans community puts it, \u201cthey were assigned at birth\u201d\u2014it does happen. But despite the media hype, it\u2019s pretty rare. How rare? Given that very little research has been done on detransitioning, it\u2019s hard to come up with firm numbers. And the various types of transitioning I outlined above make accurate statistics nearly impossible.<\/p>\n That said, let\u2019s look at some of the data. A 2015 study by the National Center for Transgender Equality (transequality.org) found that 8% of 28,000 respondents reported detransitioning. Of those, 62% detransitioned only temporarily. Another study put the percentage of detransitioners at 13%. However, both studies found that of those who detransitioned, the number one cause was externa pressure\u2014usually from a parent.<\/p>\n To be fair, several opposing studies estimate that the percentage of trans people who\u2019ve experienced \u201ctransition regret\u201d is far higher (one, published in the\u00a0Archives of Sexual Behavior<\/em>, put it at 50%). However, these studies often don\u2019t differentiate between people who were exploring different gender identities, those who had transitioned socially but not medically, and those who had transitioned medically. Common sense tells us that it\u2019s a lot easier (although it could be embarrassing) to change one\u2019s mind after an experimental phase or a social transition, but a lot harder\u2014and, consequently, a lot rarer\u2014to change one\u2019s mind after having gone through a chemical and\/or surgical transition. (Some hormonally induced changes, such as voice drop and hair growth are not reversible, but others, such as fat distribution and muscle growth may be.)<\/p>\n The most important thing you and your family can do right now it to (a) make sure your child is seeing a good therapist who specializes in gender issues and who can help your child figure out who they are without imposing a particular philosophy; (b) find a different therapist who specializes in helping parents with trans children; and (c) talk with your child\u2019s pediatrician to see whether puberty blockers would be appropriate, perhaps as a way to give yourselves more time to explore all the options.<\/p>\n Your goal as a parent should be to have your child be healthy, happy, and safe. Nothing more, nothing less. Educate yourself on these issues and expose your child\u2014and yourself\u2014to opinions that support what your child wants as well as those that oppose it. That\u2019s the only intellectually honest way to make decisions that will very likely have significant long-term consequences.<\/p>\n Photo by\u00a0Lance Asper\u00a0on\u00a0Unsplash<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n