The holidays offer a great opportunity to connect and spend time with your loved ones. But if you\u2019re a person that struggles to set healthy boundaries, all of that quality time with your nearest and dearest can feel stressful and overwhelming.<\/p>\n
Setting boundaries with your friends, family, and loved ones is a must if you want to emerge from the holiday season feeling happy, healthy, and sane. But how, exactly, do you do that?<\/p>\n
What are healthy boundaries\u2014and why are they so important during the holiday season?<\/h2>\n
\u201cHealthy boundaries are limits or rules that people set to maintain their physical and mental health,\u201d says Kristin Papa, licensed clinical social worker, certified health and wellbeing coach, and founder of Living Openhearted Therapy + Wellness.<\/p>\n
Not only do healthy boundaries help you maintain your physical and mental health, but when you\u2019re clear on them, it can lead to better, healthier relationships. \u201cThe goal with boundaries is to essentially have more peace within our relationships by honoring what we need\u2014and explicitly communicating those needs,\u201d says Houston-based psychotherapist Abby Wilson.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen we\u2019re honoring our boundaries, we\u2019re setting the stage for the best possible outcomes,\u201d says Randi Buckley, creator of online course Healthy Boundaries for Kind People. \u201cWe remove lots of guessing games, mind-reading, assumptions, and resentment.\u201d<\/p>\n
And while setting them both for yourself and your relationships is important year-round, it\u2019s particularly important during the holiday season, when not only are stress and emotions running high, but when you\u2019re generally spending more time with the people that you love\u2014which brings more opportunities for conflict.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe holidays are typically a time where emotions are very heightened,\u201d says Wilson. \u201cWe might be in a more emotionally distressed state\u2026so in order for us to maintain a more balanced level, we need to be able to communicate our boundaries to take care of ourselves over the holidays.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe holidays usually bring certain traditions and expectations by loved ones, which add another layer of complexity and difficulty to setting and maintaining healthy boundaries,\u201d says Papa. \u201cIn addition, we tend to have an increase in family gatherings and as a result there are more opportunities for our boundaries to be pushed by others.\u201d<\/p>\n
Settle on your boundaries before the holidays begin\u2026<\/h2>\n
\u201cDecide in advance what you want your boundaries to look like this holiday season,\u201d says Papa.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cThink ahead of time about what you might need to feel more balanced,\u201d says Wilson. \u201c[For example], do you do well with alone time? Do you do well with more structure? Do you want to limit your alcohol consumption? Think about what you might need so you can go into the situation with clarity.\u201d<\/p>\n
Defining what \u201chealthy boundaries\u201d means to you before the holiday season truly kicks off will give you time to think about how you want to communicate those boundaries\u2014and how you want to uphold them.<\/p>\n
\u2026and communicate those boundaries in advance<\/h2>\n
Once you know the boundaries you want to set for the holidays (for example, that you won\u2019t be buying anyone gifts, that you\u2019re limiting the number of social gatherings you\u2019ll be attending, or that you are reserving Christmas Eve for immediate family members), make sure to loop your loved ones in.<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone appreciates a heads up\u2014and they especially appreciate when it\u2019s communicated respectfully,\u201d says Buckley. \u201cThe advance notice will help people adjust their expectations and plans.\u201d<\/p>\n
In addition to communicating your boundaries in advance, you also want to think about how you decide to communicate those boundaries. \u201cWe tend to either under-communicate our boundaries or over-communicate them in ways that feel heavy-handed,\u201d says Buckley. \u201cThis often comes out of fear of offending, hurting feelings, not thinking they\u2019ll understand, or feeling a lack of skill in communication.\u201d<\/p>\n
But there\u2019s no need to overcomplicate things! \u201cBe direct and remind yourself that you do not have to apologize for setting a boundary,\u201d says Wilson.<\/p>\n
Reframe how you look at boundary setting<\/h2>\n
If you\u2019re feeling stressed or worried about setting boundaries with your loved ones over the holidays, it may be because you\u2019re looking at them as a bad thing. But the truth is, they \u201care not punishments\u2014for yourself or others,\u201d says Buckley.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Instead, try reframing how you think about them\u2014and try to look at setting them as an act of love (or, in keeping with the holiday theme, a gift you\u2019re giving your friends and family). \u201cWhen we establish and cultivate our boundaries with loved ones, we\u2019re essentially saying, \u2018Hey, I want to have the best possible experience and version of me, and these boundaries support and nurture that,\u2019\u201d says Buckley. \u201cThey serve as a guide for everyone, including yourself, to get the best possible outcome. When we understand that boundaries are an act of kindness, they also become a gift.\u201d<\/p>\n
This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for medical diagnosis or treatment. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or condition. Always check with your doctor before changing your diet, altering your sleep habits, taking supplements, or starting a new fitness routine.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n
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\n\t\t\t\t\tDeanna deBara\t\t\t\t<\/h3>\n
\t\t\t\t![\"ddebara\"](\"https:\/\/blog.fitbit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Deanna-deBara.jpg\")
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\n\t\t\t\t\tDeanna deBara is a freelance writer based in Portland, OR. She covers a wide range of wellness topics, including fitness, nutrition, relationships, and mental health. Her work has appeared on Greatist, Men’s Health, Ravishly, The Fix, What’s Good by The Vitamin Shoppe, and more.\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n
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