{"id":1636,"date":"2021-09-04T00:53:20","date_gmt":"2021-09-04T00:53:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ultimatehealthreport.com\/ask-a-health-coach-sabotage-and-eating-healthy-in-social-situations\/"},"modified":"2021-09-04T00:53:20","modified_gmt":"2021-09-04T00:53:20","slug":"ask-a-health-coach-sabotage-and-eating-healthy-in-social-situations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ultimatehealthreport.com\/ask-a-health-coach-sabotage-and-eating-healthy-in-social-situations\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask a Health Coach: Sabotage and Eating Healthy in Social Situations"},"content":{"rendered":"


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Now that the world is opening back up (well\u2026 in some places), we\u2019re eating out more, going to more parties, and returning to a \u201cnew\u201d new normal that sometimes leaves us (or our partners) struggling to find balance. In this week\u2019s Ask a Health Coach, Erin is here to answer your questions about all this, plus much more. Got something to ask? Post your question in the comments or in our Mark\u2019s Daily Apple Facebook group.<\/em><\/p>\n

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Maria asked:
\u201cHow do you handle social situations, specifically a party where no one is health minded? The host said to bring an appetizer and that\u2019s it. We are also planning on staying overnight, so this may need to be part of my 80\/20 plan. What can I do to mitigate the damage?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The Primal Blueprint\u2019s 80\/20 philosophy means lots of things to a lot of different folks. For instance, you might interpret it as eating Primal 80% of the time and enjoying your favorite non-primal foods the other 20% \u2014 and this can be enacted in many ways, from every fifth day being an indulgent day; or one-fifth of every meal being a non-Primal treat food, etc. Or maybe you use that 20% for those times you\u2019re out and about and decide it\u2019s easier to go with the flow and have the bun (or the fries or the cr\u00e8me brulee). By the way, this is how I use it.<\/p>\n

The Basics of the 80\/20 Principle<\/h3>\n

In short, it\u2019s less of a rule and more of a guideline around keeping you sane.<\/strong> It\u2019s the recognition that life throws curveballs at you sometimes. And it\u2019s the acknowledgement that you\u2019ve decided to take responsibility for your overall health. Here\u2019s what it\u2019s not though:<\/p>\n

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  • It\u2019s not an excuse to avoid standing up for what\u2019s important to you (#boundaries)<\/li>\n
  • It\u2019s not intended to make you feel like you\u2019re some kind of \u201cdiet pariah\u201d with strict and fussy rules<\/li>\n
  • It\u2019s not set up to leaving you feeling guilt or shame<\/li>\n
  • It\u2019s certainly not something to stress about<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    If you already have a good idea what the scenario looks like, and you\u2019re not interested in eating Standard American Diet fare for an entire weekend, here\u2019s an idea: don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/p>\n

    What if You Felt Empowered Instead?<\/h3>\n

    It\u2019s possible to enjoy social situations and weekends away without worrying about what you\u2019ll eat. It\u2019s possible to feel confident instead of stressing out or already making plans to combat the aftermath. You\u2019ve just got to have the right tools in your toolbox. Here are some of my favorites:<\/p>\n

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    1. Get comfortable saying \u201cno.\u201d<\/strong> Many of my health coaching clients feel bad about passing up a dish that someone has made from scratch, but how liberating would it be to just say \u201cno thanks\u201d and then move on? Practice the art of declining an offer without feeling the need to justify your response.<\/li>\n
    2. Bring your own food.<\/strong> You\u2019re already bringing an appetizer, so why not bring more? Even if your friends aren\u2019t health minded, I\u2019m fairly confident no one\u2019s going to turn their nose up at a plate of deviled eggs, beef kabobs, or a bowl of guac. Charcuterie boards are trending right now.<\/li>\n
    3. Relax a little.<\/strong> Like I said, 80\/20 is a guiding principle \u2014 one that goes way beyond just what you eat. Being successful is less about what you do over the course of one random weekend, and more about what you do over a week, month, or year.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      \u00a0<\/p>\n

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      Jackie asked:
      \u201cI really failed at keto. When I make the effort, I feel amazing, however I\u2019ve totally fallen off the wagon. I\u2019ve completely stopped trying and have put on nearly 14 pounds in the last few weeks. It\u2019s the heaviest I\u2019ve ever been. Do you think keto isn\u2019t right for me?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

      Sometimes folks just want me to just answer the darned question<\/em>\u2026 but I can\u2019t help myself; I need to go deeper.<\/p>\n

      What strikes me the most isn\u2019t the fact that you\u2019ve gained weight, or whether or not keto is right for you, it\u2019s your internal dialogue. The way you talk to yourself (often called your inner critic), plays a huge role in how you live your life. If you\u2019re constantly being told you\u2019re a failure or that you\u2019re not a *healthy* person, or that you\u2019ll just gain the weight back anyway, it\u2019s going to be that much more of a mental battle to change your ways.<\/p>\n

      You\u2019re Born with a Negativity Bias<\/h3>\n

      It\u2019s also important to know that the brain is hardwired for negativity. Ever notice how bad reviews get more attention than good reviews? Or that criticisms have more of an impact than compliments? Psychologists call this the negativity bias, and basically it means that we tend to register negative experiences more quickly and feel them more deeply. That\u2019s why past traumas can be so hard to overcome. Notice I say hard<\/em> and not impossible<\/em>.<\/p>\n

      It\u2019s up to you \u2014 a health coach can also help you through this process \u2014 to reframe those negative, nagging thoughts into less destructive ones.<\/p>\n

      How to Reframe Your Thoughts<\/h3>\n

      It doesn\u2019t have to be all rainbows and kittens, especially if you\u2019re not feeling it, but acknowledging these thoughts and choosing different ones is the first step to accepting where you are and carving out a clear path where you want to go.<\/p>\n

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      1. Understand that your brain is trying to protect you.<\/strong> Its job is to keep you safe from the unknown. That\u2019s why it keeps replaying the same soundtrack over and over again. Also: you don\u2019t have negative thoughts<\/strong>, you have the habit of thinking negative thoughts.<\/strong> I realize this is a minor shift in language, but it has big implications on how open you are to letting go of things that no longer serve you.<\/li>\n
      2. Take away your inner critic\u2019s power.<\/strong> Feels like a daunting task, right? It\u2019s easier than you think. Next time you have a thought that feels negative or like something a worry wart or bully would say, give that voice a name. Give it a silly voice too if you can. Personifying the thoughts that repeatedly pop into your mind starts to separate you from those thoughts and ultimately takes away the power they have over you.<\/li>\n
      3. Challenge the negative thought.<\/strong> Look for proof that the thought isn\u2019t true. Did you really fail at keto or did you have a stressful week (or year) and decide not to make time to plan appropriately? Or maybe you didn\u2019t have your why totally dialed in. Regardless, find evidence to dismantle your negative thought. So, to bring it back: You say you \u201cfailed at keto\u201d \u2014 is that really true? What if it weren\u2019t true? What if the only<\/em> thing you actually \u201cfailed\u201d at was forgetting to have some protein thawed in the fridge, or clearing the corn chips out of the pantry?<\/li>\n
      4. Embrace imperfection.<\/strong> As a recovering perfectionist, I can tell you first-hand that this strategy is crucial to reframing your thoughts. Honing your ability to accept your imperfections allows you to look at situations as feedback, not failure. Plus, it helps you stay on track because you\u2019re not fussing over every little detail.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Remember, being healthy isn\u2019t just about what you\u2019re eating. It\u2019s about your sleep, your stress levels, your activity, and your self-talk. It\u2019s all important if you want to achieve health and happiness.<\/p>\n

        (As for whether keto is right for you, since folks really do just want me to answer the darned question<\/em>\u2026 I think it\u2019s pretty \u201cright\u201d for most humans, some of the time.)<\/p>\n

        \u00a0<\/p>\n

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        Mary asked:
        \u201cI think my husband is a \u201csabotager.\u201d We designated an account for food shopping, but he keeps dipping into our budget for other things, even though he knows I am trying to do this low starch and low sugar diet and require special items. How do I get him on my side?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

        Ahh, the struggles of navigating self-improvement with a partner who\u2019s not totally on board. One of the biggest challenges of eating a certain way is that not everyone in your household is going to be on the same page. Not only that, those people may begin to resent (and subsequently sabotage) you for taking steps to improve your health.<\/p>\n

        Like you\u2019re noticing, maybe they spend money allotted for one thing on something else. Or they look at you sideways when you order your burger lettuce-wrapped. And while you\u2019re probably not going to get him to ditch his processed food diet, you can lay the groundwork for having a more respectful relationship.<\/p>\n

        Get Clear on Expectations<\/h3>\n

        The biggest source of conflict I see with my health coaching clients is the disconnect between what one person is doing and what they expect from their partner. The best advice I can give you is to have a well-rounded, fully two-sided conversation about what your food budget is meant to be spent on. For example, if your husband brings home cookies when you\u2019re abstaining from sugar, you probably feel like he\u2019s sabotaging your efforts. But what if the guy just likes cookies? It\u2019s his budget too, and as much as the world would be better off taking processed food off the table, it\u2019s not going to happen.<\/p>\n

        Frame this conversation as an agreement<\/em>, rather than an expectation<\/em>. Instead of telling<\/em> your partner what you want or need from them, explain why it\u2019s important to you and ask them if they\u2019d be willing to come to an agreement that is mutually beneficial. For instance, maybe you co-create an agreement that says that treat foods like cookies are brought home from the store on specially-designated treat days (Treat Tuesday?), and the purchase of said treats doesn\u2019t come out of the shared food budget. That puts some parameters around the treats, without foisting your health decisions on your unsuspecting life partner.<\/p>\n

        P.S. How to Save on Healthy Food<\/h3>\n

        Another thing to keep in mind is that eating healthy \u2014 and that includes low carb and low sugar items \u2014 doesn\u2019t necessarily have to cost more. In other words, you may not need to budget as much as you think. Sure, grass-fed beef costs more. And organic fruits and veggies cost more. But nutritious foods don\u2019t always have to break the bank.<\/p>\n