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Men as a species are pretty good at adapting to the new or different, to judging and taking risks and to responding to the unknown. I didn\u2019t say perfect, but pretty good. Indeed, this ability has allowed them to surf waves the size of mountains, run the mile in well under 4 minutes, run companies, raise families, make money, and just simply survive in an ever-changing world. But, tell a man that he is infertile, and he may resemble a deer in headlights. Being infertile strikes at a man\u2019s very core and is an unknowably devastating blow to id, ego and superego.<\/p>\n
A Freudian View<\/strong><\/p>\n I have often wondered why an infertility diagnosis is so disabling for men. I\u2019ve\u00a0published\u00a0that being infertile affects men\u2019s sex lives, self-esteem and social interactions. And now I look to Freud for a deeper explanation of this response. The Freudian view of humans is that of id, ego and superego. Id represents the entirely unconscious man, and includes the instinctive, infantile and primitive behaviors that are driven by satisfying \u201cpleasures\u201d such as eating, sleeping and reproducing. Ego is derived from both the conscious and unconscious mind, and it ensures that the id is expressed in a socially acceptable manner. Freud compared the id to a horse and the ego to the horse\u2019s rider. The horse provides the power and motion, and the rider governs and directs. Overseeing all of this, the superego bears the moral standards and ideals learned from parents and society. It provides the right and wrong guidelines for making judgments and tries to perfect and civilize behavior.<\/p>\n A Freudian Fault<\/strong><\/p>\n When it comes to reproduction, the id sees it as an instinctive need, as basic as hunger. It is essential and fundamental to life. Neither the ego nor the superego questions this priority, as it is so basic in nature. As an unchallenged cornerstone of being human, reproduction fails to capture the attention of the ego and super ego\u2026until there is a problem. And when infertility surfaces, there is no real foundation for a coherent response. Hence, emotional chaos results. In the words of Freud, \u201cMen are strong so long as they represent a strong idea.\u201d<\/p>\n A Freudian Response<\/strong><\/p>\n Over the last quarter century, I have seen\u00a0every response\u00a0imaginable when men are informed that they are infertile. Infertility affects self-esteem and self-identity like few other mortal challenges. You were put on this good earth to reproduce, and yet you can\u2019t? This goes deep. And, since feelings about fertility and sexual adequacy are often intertwined, infertility can lead men to question their masculinity and sexual prowess. The id, ego and superego are entirely unprepared for this.<\/p>\n I have also seen the tremendous inner strength that men reveal when faced with infertility. This tends to occur with the following realizations:<\/p>\n Freud actually nailed it when he said: \u201cBeing entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.\u201d So true when it comes to dealing with the unexpected in life. And, reflecting on the personal growth that is possible in adversity, he also said: \u201cOne day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n This article first appeared on\u00a0Dr. Turek\u2019s blog.<\/p>\n Photo by Jenny Hill on Unsplash<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n