\n
My friend Arsenio can\u2019t stop talking about flies. It\u2019s all he talks about. He\u2019s convinced there are more flies in his yard today than there were yesterday. He texts me a video he took of a swarm near the fence marking the boundary between his property and his neighbor\u2019s. I watch it and count eight flies.<\/p>\n
When we talk or text, I try to switch to another subject. \u201cI\u2019m not interested,\u201d he says, then goes back to grumbling about the flies.<\/p>\n\n\u201cThere are more things, Lucilius, that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality.\u201d\u2014Seneca, Epistulae ad Lucilium<\/p>\n<\/aside>\n
He hasn\u2019t always been like this. Over the years I\u2019ve known Arsenio, other troubles would ambush his mind for a spell, then retreat. Challenges with a wild teenager, his ailing dog, or health issues of his own. But this fly thing is the worst I\u2019ve witnessed.<\/p>\n
Nell, Arsenio\u2019s next door neighbor, owns a menagerie of farm animals, far more than the city\u2019s zoning ordinance allows. For months, Arsenio good-naturedly looked the other way, but when she built a horse stall right up against the fence she shares with Arsenio, he noticed a definite uptick in the fly population.<\/p>\n
He makes a bunch of fly traps from recycled soda bottles and hangs them around, but they don\u2019t do much. When he notices horse manure piling up, he offers to help Nell clean it out, but she gets irritated and waves him away. He worries about the property value of his place. Will all the buzzing flies make it worthless? He can\u2019t stop thinking about them.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey won\u2019t stay on her side of the fence,\u201d he says. \u201cIt\u2019s like I\u2019m the Landlord of the Flies.\u201d<\/p>\n
A deep dark hole<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
Painting by Art Moura. #inartsroom<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Arsenio looks like the maniacal ruler of an obscure despotic regime, with formidable eyebrows, a prominent schnozz, and a foot-long grey goatee. There\u2019s a pent-up electricity about him, like he\u2019s sending off sparks, especially when he\u2019s focused on his work. A prolific \u201coutsider artist\u201d of some renown, he\u2019s been written up in international art magazines and represented by galleries in Los Angeles and elsewhere. He makes so much art it fills every nook and cranny on his property, indoors and outside.<\/p>\n
I once teased him that his artwork probably keeps him from killing the rest of us. He agreed and said I was lucky.<\/p>\n
Arsenio\u2019s earliest memory is of a deep, dark hole, threatening to swallow him up. He was raised on a string of dairy farms in Salinas, California, the workers mostly Portuguese-Americans like his parents. Arsenio Sr. was such a heavy drinker he couldn\u2019t hold down a job, and the family moved around a lot. Arsenio Jr.\u2019s childhood evenings were clouded with stress and fear. Every night, he would listen at his parents\u2019 bedroom door for his father\u2019s drunken droning to explode into a violent fit he\u2019d inflict upon his mother, his sister or himself.<\/p>\n
For more than 60 years, Arsenio has remained hyper-vigilant, unable to let his guard down. It\u2019s as if a Geiger counter is strapped to his psyche, its needle swinging wildly at the merest hint of conflict \u2013\u00a0 triggering his anxiety, making his palms sweat and his blood pressure surge. The fly mess has him constantly on alert, obsessively checking the horse\u2019s stall next door through a hole in the fence while monitoring his own property with a hidden camera.<\/p>\n
Arsenio calls one evening and says he wonders if the fly infestation is all in his head. Or is it really as bad as he thinks it is? Has he been lying to himself? He can\u2019t figure it out. He thinks he might be losing his mind. Then the pandemic hits, and the months of COVID<\/span>-induced worry and isolation are almost too much to bear. He stops making art. He tells me his life feels meaningless. He thinks about selling his property and moving far away.<\/p>\nA brain abuzz<\/h2>\n I run into Arsenio\u2019s daughter, Anna. She tells me how the other day she tried to talk to her dad about some work issues, but all he could talk about were flies.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou, too, huh?\u201d I say.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s gotten so bad that Arsenio wakes in the middle of the night and lies in the dark for hours, his brain abuzz. His doctor prescribes an antidepressant. It doesn\u2019t help. Arsenio\u2019s therapist suggests that when he sees a fly, he should ask himself, \u201cIs this acceptable? Can I live with this?\u201d He tries it but it doesn\u2019t do much.<\/p>\n
One night, Arsenio calls to tell me his friend Melvin thinks he should deal with the flies by microdosing magic mushrooms. Psilocybin, the psychedelic compound found in the mushrooms, could take the edge off his misery, Melvin explained, maybe remove a wing or two from the flies buzzing around his mind.<\/p>\n
But Arsenio is doubtful. He had experimented with psychedelics in his youth, and it didn\u2019t go well. The last thing he needs is to get all strung out. Melvin had assured him the dose would be so tiny, he\u2019d hardly feel it. Arsenio is not convinced.<\/p>\n
\u201cThose bourgeois tech bros are all over that microdosing shit,\u201d he says. \u201cThey\u2019re remaking it and spiking it with Bitcoin.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a mushroom, you nut,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t trust it.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n
Rumination Nation<\/h2>\n \u201cTo ruminate\u201d is to chew over one\u2019s troubles like a dog gnawing a bone. Obsessive, repetitive thinking can twist the mind and hijack one\u2019s sense of reality.<\/p>\n
\u201cRumination,\u201d says neurologist Dr. Sharmin Ghaznavi, PhD, \u201cis self-reflection gone awry.\u201d She explains how when we ruminate, we set up negative thought loops in our mind like a warped vinyl record playing at the wrong speed. This constant inner drone of catastrophizing and self-criticism becomes all-consuming and impairs our ability to function normally and connect with others.<\/p>\n\nWhen we ruminate, we set up negative thought loops in our mind like a warped vinyl record playing at the wrong speed.<\/p>\n<\/aside>\n
When we ruminate, we become more isolated, which in turn causes loneliness \u2014 a sense that our social needs are not being met. Loneliness increases the likelihood of developing depression, addiction, anxiety disorders, PTSD<\/span> and OCD<\/span>, and also makes them harder to treat.<\/p>\n\u201cIt\u2019s as bad for your health as smoking, excessive drinking, and obesity,\u201d Dr. Ghaznavi says.<\/p>\n
Recently, neuroscientists have been studying excessive rumination, loneliness, and other mental struggles by observing how they impact the brain. In healthy brain functioning, brain cells (neurons<\/em>) cluster together in regions, processing information and \u201ctalking\u201d to each other via communication channels called circuits<\/em>. Large numbers of circuits located in different regions form an interconnected structure of networks. If ever you find yourself constantly fixating on the same problem or dilemma, seeing everything and everyone (including yourself) as increasingly bleak and hopeless, it\u2019s likely your default mode network<\/em> is out-of-whack.<\/p>\nComposed of a direct line between two brain regions known as the medial prefrontal cortex<\/em> and the posterior singular cortex<\/em>, this network is said to process information about our self-perception; it also affects how we see others and our capacity to feel compassion and empathy for them. When Arsenio is too fixated on flies to listen to his daughter or his friends, his default mode network is probably lighting up like a Christmas tree, while other networks needed for optimal brain functioning are sputtering.<\/p>\nMushroom Magic<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
Painting by Art Moura. #inartsroom<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
One day Arsenio hits a wall.\u00a0 He\u2019s had enough. He calls his friend Melvin, who sources some dried psilocybin mushrooms from a friend of a friend of a friend, and lends Arsenio a tiny scale to measure the doses. Arsenio starts with a microdose of .10 grams, which he chews up and swallows.<\/p>\n
When Arsenio calls me that evening, I sense something different. Instead of being locked and loaded into his usual buzzing harangue, he matter-of-factly lectures me about money. If I would\u2019ve just listened to his advice, he says, and spent my cash on expired steaks from the sale bin in the supermarket instead of all that fancy grass-fed shit I bought at that high-falutin\u2019 meat counter, I\u2019d have a suitcase of Benjamins under my bed and not have to hustle so much all the time. Then he moves on to the topic of all the cash I blow getting lit up in pool halls while aspiring to become a lady pool shark \u2013 when I could be drinking cheap beer and minding my own business at home. The fly fiasco never comes up.<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn right,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n
\u201cI like you better when you\u2019re obsessed with flies,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s because before I ate the Mushroom I was always worrying about making other people mad,\u201d he says. \u201cNow I don\u2019t give a hoot.\u201d<\/p>\n
The old Arse I know and love and sometimes want to strangle is back.<\/p>\n
At Melvin\u2019s recommendation, Arsenio sticks to a microdosing regimen: Take a dose, skip two days, repeat. Arsenio notices the most pronounced effects on his dose days, but he\u2019s less bugged by the flies on his days off, too.<\/p>\n
He tells me he feels lighter, the problems that inevitably surface are more manageable. He sends me links to articles and Youtube videos about recovering from childhood trauma or using mindfulness to feel more gratitude. He laughs at my jokes.<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n
Building Resilience<\/h2>\n For most of us, resilience<\/em> means the ability to respond to life\u2019s challenges without falling apart. When confronted with a stressor<\/em>, a resilient brain will bend, but not break, adapting and maintaining health in a process called allostasis<\/em>. Brief periods of stress are actually good for the brain, improving immune function and some types of memory, but too much stress produces allostatic load<\/em>: the biological wear-and-tear on brain and body that can lead to a cascade of health problems, including anxiety and depression.<\/p>\n\nPsilocybin and other psychedelics are powerful tools for boosting resilience.<\/p>\n<\/aside>\n
According to a 2015 study in Neurobiology of Stress<\/em>, \u201cdepression and anxiety disorders are examples of a loss of resilience, in the sense that changes in brain circuitry and function, caused by the stressors that precipitate the disorder, become \u2018locked\u2019 in a particular state and thus need external intervention.\u201d<\/p>\nOur brain\u2019s resilience is profoundly influenced by our various life experiences, especially those of early childhood. Growing up with a hard-drinking, abusive father, as Arsenio did, could make dealing with stress as an adult far more than challenging. Our genes also play a role in our brain\u2019s resilience. But beyond the things we can\u2019t change or control, what can <\/em>we do to increase our resilience in the face of oncoming stressors?<\/p>\nLifestyle factors, such as exercise, diet, and stress-reduction practices like mindfulness, have all been shown to shore up the brain\u2019s resilience. It turns out that psilocybin and other psychedelics \u2013 which show promise for treating trauma, depression, addiction \u2013\u00a0 are also powerful tools for boosting resilience, says Dr. Ghaznavi, who recently became Associate Director of the Center for the Neuroscience of Psychedelics at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.<\/p>\n
Impaired social functioning is at the core of mental disorders, says Dr. Ghaznavi. It\u2019s a problem for which psychedelics might be particularly well-suited. And the benefits of a psychedelic experience can last for months or years. \u201cPsychedelic compounds can increase pro-social attitudes and behaviors, and a sense of connection with others,\u201d she says. \u201cThey also have the potential to increase the brain\u2019s neuroplasticity and make psychotherapeutic interventions more effective.\u201d<\/p>\n