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Dear Mr. Dad: I don\u2019t know how to put this nicely, but my seven-year-old son is a liar, a cheater, and a thief. He fibs\u2014usually straight to my face\u2014every chance he gets, and after several recent trips to grocery stores, I found that he\u2019d stolen some small items. What have my wife and I done wrong? And what can we do to stop this before it gets truly out of hand?<\/em><\/p>\n A:<\/strong>\u00a0The first thing to do is relax\u2014your child\u2019s bad behavior isn\u2019t a referendum on your parenting. In fact, as unpleasant as it is, in some ways, it\u2019s actually an important development. Child development experts generally agree that before age six or so, kids have no clear understanding that lying, cheating, and stealing are wrong\u2014they believe, rather naively, that everyone knows the same things. But at about age six, children discover what\u2019s called Theory of Mind, which means that they\u2019ve figured out that different people see the same situation in very different ways, that they don\u2019t always know what\u2019s going on inside other people\u2019s head, and that no one will know what\u2019s truly going on in theirs unless they tell them.<\/p>\n The lies start small, such as whether they\u2019ve washed their hands or gone to the bathroom. But over time, these experiments often stray into less innocuous territory\u2014lying about more important matters, stealing more substantial things. It\u2019s the next stage in a natural progression of learning about morality, and all children (regardless of the stories your friends tell you about their kids), do some experimenting with lying, cheating, and stealing. Most manage to avoid falling headlong into a life of crime.<\/p>\n Hiding a couple of aces up his sleeve or moving his game token up an extra space is a type of lying, but the stakes are higher. He knows that winners get trophies, pats on the back, parades, and multi-million-dollar endorsement deals. Losers get nothing. In his mind, he\u2019s not doing anything wrong by cheating; he\u2019s just trying to make you proud.<\/p>\n Your next assignment it to keep from overreacting while letting your son know that what he\u2019s doing is unacceptable. To start with, he should bring the items he stole back to the store and apologize to the manager. If you keep the boundaries firm and the consequences clear and appropriate, chances are, this phase will eventually pass. And don\u2019t underestimate the power of your disapproval. Simply letting your child know that you expected more from him can be more effective and long-lasting than any punishment.<\/p>\n In a few years, your child\u2019s schoolmates will take matters into their own hands, labeling liars and cheaters and refusing to play with them. For most kids, the risk of being socially ostracized is enough to put them on a somewhat straighter, narrower path. But there are a few things you can do to encourage your child to start playing by the rules now:<\/p>\n This article first appeared on MrDad.com<\/em><\/p>\n Photo by\u00a0Annie Spratt\u00a0on\u00a0Unsplash<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n